Incomplete...Need Not Apply

Mr. T and I have been texting quite a bit today. It started off with a simple “how is your day” and has progressed into “what are you looking for from a guy right now”. I feel like that was a very loaded question for a text message. I think the question is a result of the responses to a previous set of questions about my job. I said I was excited for the summer because my work commitments change. I work at university and when the students leave it’s a different world. He asked me how many hours I work during the week. I said I don’t count hours because that’s not what job is about but it probably around 60+. He asked about over time and I said there were other perks to the job. He asked about down time and how I relax. I said I deal with it as it comes but my department is understanding. He then asked what I would do right now if I wasn’t at work. This is the question that I think fueled the “looking for right now” question. I said sleep but if that wasn’t an answer then hanging out with my friends doing a variety of things. Did he not like my answer? Did he think I should have said hang out with boyfriend? Seriously, I would sleep. I love my friends and family but all I want to do is sleep this weekend. This semester has killed me. Anyway… I said that I was looking for a guy who “I can be myself with. He has to understand the good and bad of my job. He has his own life and I have mine but we make room for each other”. If he is looking to “complete me” or be completed by me, then keep moving… those applicants need not apply.

Am I reading too much into these loaded text messages? Let me count the reasons why I don’t like having semi-important conversations via text message.

The Burn

Do you remember one of my very first posts when I wrote about all the men I’ve dated since I moved to Dayton? At the end of that post, I mentioned two men in my life. More specifically I said this…

“Now there are two men I haven't mentioned. These men and I go way back and they are both still in my life... as friends. They live across the country from me and I often find myself wondering that if I moved back to where they are, would it work. Many of my friends don't like these two fellas and for good reason. My friends have comforted me through years of heartache & heartbreak with these guys and more than a few times they've fished me out of a bottle of cheap wine. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if I will ever be fully over either of them.”

One of these men remains a friend and our communication has become less frequent over the past year. He has a great girl friend who makes him happy so I respect that. The other man and I have a strange relationship that often leaves us having the same talk over and over again. The conversation is completed and it always leaves me questioning our friendship. He says things that mess with my feeling and get my hopes us. One would think that after having the same conversation over and over again, that it wouldn’t faze me. Sadly, that’s not the case. He doesn’t want to makes promises he can’t keep. He doesn’t want to look too far into the future. He doesn’t want long distance. He doesn’t want…that’s all he says. I struggle. I want to ask him what he does want but I know what he does want doesn’t really match what I want. I would give him what he wanted, if he returned the favor. Can’t we meet in the middle? Why can’t we try? I guess I just don’t get not trying. What’s the hurt in trying? Why do we have this conversation every time I start dating again? They aren’t going to measure up to him but he doesn’t want to be with me in that way so I have to attempt to move on. I just don’t get it. I am constantly asking myself why. Is he afraid he’s going to get hurt? Ditto my friend…I’m always afraid I’m going to get hurt but I still put myself out there for him even thought I keep getting shot down.

Thanks for listening to my rant. I know better than to let him get to me. I know better than to read into what he says. I know he is just going to leave me with heartburn in the end.

Mr. T

We are now on to guy #2 from the minor leagues. His name is Tyrone… I like to call him Mr. T (even though he doesn’t resemble Mr. in anyway, at all). He’s a “good on paper guy”. He owns a home, has a job he loves, a good family and a Master’s degree… like I said, good on paper. I always want to fall for these guys but I never can. I need a good on paper guy with a splash of cayenne pepper. I always fall for cayenne pepper.

Anyway…I went out to dinner with Mr.T. We had a nice time, good conversation and I didn’t want to run screaming. I didn’t feel any connection but I’m going to give it another shot. He’s moving this weekend so it might be another week before I see him again. We’ve been texting and I might call him tonight. I need to take it slow. Slow is good and what’s going to get me the relationship I think I’m looking for. Right? Cayenne pepper just seems leave me with bad heartburn in the end.

Why You Gotta Be A Jerk?

I heard back from Big Red today and he was kind of a jerk. I told him no thank you and he threw it back in my face. He wanted me to clarify what I meant by "being friends". I don't fault him in that. You can say you want to be friends but not really mean it. I told him that I couldn't make any promises about a friendship that may or may not form. I thought it was a valid response. He texts me back say that he was testing me and that he wasn't sure if he actually felt anything either but thought he "would give it another go". I wasn't sure what I say in response...I mean I wanted to tell him to fuck off but I was trying not to over react. So I said, I'm glad there are not hard feelings. He responded by saying that we didn't actually go on a "real date", that I seemed like a cool person but I was right that the chemistry needed to go on wasn't there. I haven't responded and I don't think I'm going to. I just keep thinking in my head, why do you have to be a jerk? I was trying to be honest and open with you. Delete...for sure.

On an unrelated note, I got an email from Putt-Putt today. He didn't mention anything about me telling him that I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with him. It was the same old email that he always sends me. Did he just skip over that part when he read the email. I haven't decided if I'm going to write back. How many times do I need to break up with this guy?

Done & Done

I finally did it. I finally told Big Red I wasn't interested in seeing him again. I am very proud of myself.

I sent him a carefully crafted text message. Don't hate on the fact that I sent him a text message...if the dude asks me out in a text message then I can break up with him in one. Fair is fair. I sent the text about an hour ago and no response. I mean I did send it to him when I knew he would be at work. This was to avoid the awkward phone call I could receive instead of a text. I'm not really really to talk about it...how do you explain to someone that you just aren't sexually attracted to them. Super awkward. Below you will find the text message. I can't take all the credit for crafty the message. My BFF from college is amazing at writing text message so I enlisted her help. I'll let you know if he responds.

"I had a good time the other day but I didn't feel the connection I need to pursue a romantic relationship. I'm sorry. Maybe we could try being friends?"

Might Be Over It

I’ve been thinking (you are correct, that isn’t always the best) that I might be over the dating thing. It’s exhausting… like I am exhausted just thinking about it. It is so hard to find someone who is worth all of this exhaustion. How am I supposed to move to the major leagues when I’m exhausted in the minors? This is no good. Maybe I just need to tough it out a little longer…maybe it will get better. Ok, I’m not so sure if I believe that last statement.

Second Date?

I got a text message from Big Red last night asking me out on a second date. The message read "heeeello. I had an absolutely splendid time yesterday maam. Would you be free to go out again this coming friday evening?" I didn't respond right away. I didn't know what to say. I was hoping that sleeping on it last night would give me some clarity this morning. It didn't. I sent him a vague text message back saying I needed to check my work schedule. I know, lame. I feel like I need to make a decision...like soon. I don't want to lead him on if I decided not to pursue the relationship. On the other hand, if I do want to see if this is going to work I need to commit to the date. I just don't know what to do. Maybe sleeping on it (again) will help.

The Date

Let me start off this post by saying it has been a while since I've been on a "real" date. I've been out with guys since my last steady relationship but never on actual dates.

This date was very typical. We had lunch and went to an afternoon show. He payed for everything (not that I didn't offer but he insisted). Lunch was at a local pub in the downtown area, we had great food and good conversation. He is very much a story teller so he did most of the talking. Somethings came out during this conversation that were red flags. The brightest red flag was the fact that his ex girlfriend is pregnant with his kid. They are really on speaking terms and she is due in June. While he was explaining the "situation", as he called it, he harped on all the things that were wrong with his previous relationship. This was another red flag...what he was saying made it sound like he wasn't really over it. He wanted me to talk about my ex (Putt-Putt) but I told him there wasn't much to say. I'm not really all about the ex talk; its not really a topic I want to talk about on the first date.

After lunch, he took me downtown to one of the old theaters. He bought tickets to a kids show. The show is hard to explain and was fairly entertaining...think live action Fantasia (the movie not the singer). We parted ways after the show and shared a kiss. We ended the date saying "let's do this again sometime soon". Overall it was a nice date; not one of the best but definitely not one of the worst. There is just one problem...

I am in no way, shape, or form attracted to him. I knew it from the moment I saw him in the parking lot. He didn't lie to me about his appearance so that wasn't it. I just didn't feel anything. I thought it might develop as the date went on but no such luck. Then I thought maybe I would feel something when we kissed. There was nothing.

I haven't heard from him since we parted ways in the parking lot. I'm not planning on make the first move, mainly because I'm not really sure what to say. I would like to be friends but I don't want to date him. One of my friends told me I didn't need anymore guy friends and to just cut him loose. I just don't know what I want to do. Do I give it another shot and see if its there next time? Thoughts?

It's Ok...I'm Just Crazy

It turns out I was freaking out about nothing when it came to Big Red. I know, shocking that I would be freaking out about something for no reason and that something would turned out to be ok.

Big Red and I are going out tomorrow afternoon. I'm not a big day date kind of person but you gotta do what you gotta do...he works nights. We are still working out the details but I am really excited...minus my eye issue. Sidebar: I woke up this morning with a swollen right eye. I went to the doctor and its infected. Thank god its not red and pussing, its just swollen and droopy. I can't wear eye makeup. I was having a moment about it today but if he doesn't like me because of the swollen eye then he isn't for me. I can always look amazing, sometimes the hot mess comes out.

Anyway... I will let you know how the date goes. I just remember to breathe and be myself.

So Not A Part Of The Plan

The plan during my time in the minors was just to work the kinks out of my dating habits so I'll be ready for the majors. The thought of finding an actual, datable guy was never apart of the plan. Stupid plan.

There is a guy who seems to be an actual datable guy. His name is Jason or "Big Red"... he's a big guy with red hair. We've messaged back and forth for the last few weeks. Last week we talked on the phone (for a few hours) and he asked me out on a date. I couldn't go because I was home but we are trying to make plans for this weekend.

I'm really really trying not to get ahead of myself. I need to just chill out because I am starting to freak a little. Our communication has decreased since we have switched to the phone. I thought that might happen but I was really hoping it wouldn't. We also work opposite schedules and I'm trying not to make that a big thing. He's a bartender/line cook. Sidebar: For those of you that are counting, that would be bartender #3. I've made it work with bartenders before so I'm not oppose to trying it.

I just need to remember to breathe and not freak out... take it one day at a time.

Eager Beaver

One of my reasons for joining the minors was to get some of the glitters out. I forgot that others might have the same glitters.

Jose or "Salon Guy" (he works at a salon as an esthetician) seems like a nice guy... a few minor flags but its still too early to tell. We've been messaging back and forth for a week or so. He . One of the minor flags is that he is a eager beaver...a major one. His last 3 massages were sent within an hour of the message I sent him. The most recent one was 20 minutes after I sent him my response (yes, I checked). I've already caught myself apologizing for waiting a day or two to respond... that's a yellow flag for me.

I don't do very well with clingy, in fact I normally run the other way screaming. Is it too early to tell him to slow down? Am I over reacting? I would rather nip that in the but now than have to deal with it later. I guess I'll wait a little long and see if I can casually tell him to pump the breaks.

I'm Not A Bitch...

he is just boring! I mean extremely boring.

You are correct, I am talking about Mr. Officer. He is in fact so boring, I'm even having trouble writing this post. Our last correspondence was about the weather and how sunny it was outside. I'm not sure how to end our correspondence. Do I send a lame message saying no thanks? Do I just not respond to his last message? Do I tell him that he has board me to tears and that he has no idea how to talk to women? I would really like to do the last one but I'm thinking its going to be the second. He honestly can't think we had a connection. He knows nothing about me! Halfway through our communication I stopped volunteering information and only answered the questions he asked me directly. The result...he know I don't like rain and that I'm glad it starting to warm up outside.

Like I said... extremely boring!

More Messages

I'm visiting the family this weekend so I'm taking a little break from the Internet. Here are two new messages to keep you entertained until Monday.

From: Divine_Shadow. He looks like a mjor creeper and he looks at my profile everyday.... like I said creeper.
Subject:Good Evening...
Or early morning, depending on your perspective. :D My name's "Divine_Shadow", I'm 27, and oddly enough still in school...studying Communications and Social Work, to be precise. I'm writing in the small hope that possibly you'll write back, as you seem to be a pretty interesting person, and I'd absolutely adore the opportunity to get to know you better.

As per me and my interests, I say: What've you got? Honestly, I go all over the board from enjoying a remarkably terrible film, to spending an evening in the kitchen, or an afternoon at the local watering hole. I can hold a conversation: just pick a subject, and don't be afraid to tell me what you really think. I enjoy a challenge and hope you do as well.

Anyways, I'm absolutely dreadful at this sort of thing, and I'm not usually much into seeing more than one person at a time and I'd love to really get to know you better. I hope to hear back from you soon.

-DS
p.s. You do have an absolutely adorable smile, if that's alright for me to say.

From:Enzo_Matrix. He is 21 and is snuggling with his cat in the picture. Truth be told, he lost me at the hello (we've already discussed how I feel about smilie faces).
Subject:Hello :^)
Hey, I saw you had a very pretty profile picture and a interesting profile. I would love to get to know you. I am currently in Iowa, but thinking about moving to Ohio. Let me know if you would like to talk.