Where To Go From Here?

I'm not sure where to go from here... I feel a little lost in this relationship or whatever it is. I talked to Brandon yesterday (after I called him) and he seemed a little off. I told him I thought something was wrong and I asked him what. He said he had a lot of things on his mind. I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he proceeded to tell me something (I don't feel right sharing all his personal business with the world...sorry). I asked more questions about what he told me but he had short responses. We talked for a little bit longer then he suddenly had to go. He said he would call me back and I said that way fine. I'm still waiting on him to call. I broke and texted him, just now, asking how he was doing. I wish I wouldn't have sent the text.

After I hung up with Brandon last night, I called one of my mentors because she has experience with the thing Brandon told me about. She and I had a long conversation about the thing and relationship with Brandon. I'm at a crossroads trying to figure out exactly what I want and how I feel. Yes, I like him. Yes, I could see a future. BUT is all his baggage adding up to be one huge deal breaker? Isn't it supposed to be easy right now because this isn't easy. This week has sucked and I've been left in the dark. I can see the relationship crumbling in front of me and I'm just standing there wondering if it's worth saving. My mentor said to give it time and him some space (reason one why I shouldn't have texted him). He will come back if it is meant to be. She also said I need to be prepared that he might not come back and that is on him, not me. Again I go back to the fact that this should be easy.

So I'm left sitting here and wondering what the next few days of my life will hold. I need to give him space and I need to hold to it. I won't contact him (first) until Monday. There is going to be a lot of deep breathing in my future. :/

I Caved...

...and called Brandon last night around 11pm. I may or may not have checked his profile to see if he logged in yesterday. Oh he had logged on and was actually currently online. I kind of flipped and decided to call. I was looking for some answers.

He answered the phone and sounded terrible. Turns out he has been sick for the past three days and spent Monday in the hospital. He has issues with his liver that I vaguely remember him telling me about. I felt terrible for freaking out. I didn't feel bad enough to not mention the fact that I thought it was odd that he hadn't called me back. We only chatted for a few because he still was feeling bad. He said he would talk to me tomorrow (as in today) but I haven't heard from him. I'm going to let it sit for a little longer and I might shoot him a text asking how he is feeling. As I have said many times...if he wants to talk to me then he will.

Two...Going On Three...Days

I’m starting to freak a little. I have talked to Brandon since Saturday night. It’s Tuesday. I called a left a message Sunday night...no response. Against my better judgment, I called him last night. I didn’t leave a message but I know it came up as a missed call. I am really really trying hard not to freak. It’s not really working very well. I’ve been trying to put him out of my head all day saying that if he wanted to talk to him he will call. Maybe he is just busy. Maybe something happened with his family so he can’t talk. Maybe he doesn’t want to see me anymore. Maybe I said something stupid on the phone and he hates me. Ok...the last one might be a little extreme.

I will not call him tonight. I will not call him tonight. I will not call him tonight.

When he does call me, I won’t make a comment about him not returning my calls. When he does call me, I won’t make a comment about him not returning my calls. When he does call me, I won’t make a comment about him not returning my calls.

Breathe in the good air and breathe out the bad air. Breathe in the good air and breathe out the bad air. Breathe in the good air and breathe out the bad air.

Yes, I am crazy. Is this really shocking to you? I didn’t think so. I just need to take this one day at a time...why am I always in a rush? I have no plans on seeing anyone else so I’m not wasting my time. No relationship was a waste of time; it’s a learning experience of the next relationship you’re in.

I will not call him tonight. When he does call me, I won’t make a comment about him not returning my calls. Breathe in the good air and breathe out the bad air.

A Keeper?

I’ve been talking to a new guy for about a month now. His name is Brandon (yes...I have a track record with men named Brandon). He is 34, divorced and has a 6 year old daughter. He is a little country but I think that’s what I like about him. He isn’t like any guy I’ve dated before. I like him...probably more than I would like to admit. We’ve been on two great dates but scheduling a third has shown to be difficult. We are both busy with work and other things so our schedules have a hard time matching up. The fact that he has a daughter isn’t helping as he spends all the time he can with her. The kid thing is very new to me so I am still trying to adjust. We talk almost every day so that is good. I keep telling myself that things are good.

Now tell myself that and actually believing it are two different things. Due to some shady business in the past, I’m more inclined to think he is going to bounce rather than stick around. I’m looking for a guarantee. I understand I’m not going to get one nor can I ask for one. I spend a good amount of my day worrying about this relationship. I’m getting a little better but it is still hard. I feel like it is WAY too early to say something to him. I hope to see him this weekend. I’m not sure if that is going to happen and that is frustrating to me. If you aren’t going to make some kind of effort then why are we still trying to make something work? I’m trying to make this one last but I’m getting close to ending it b/c it would be easier.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I guess we will see if he calls today...I’ve been doing most of the calling the past few days. I think this one is a keeper so send good thoughts my way... I need them.

Let's Review, Shall We?

I know it has been too long since I updated my blog. It was a rough summer. I dated 5 guys and none of them panned out. Here is the quick rundown:

John aka Mr.Clean: Broke my heart twice...once by not slowing up to my birthday party then again when I ran into him and his WIFE at the movies. John wasn’t meant to be but it still hurt. Cheating on his wife will come back and bite him.

Robbie aka Buzz: Where to begin...I gave Robbie another chance and that one bit me in the ass. He put on this song and dance just to sleep with me. I told him what was up and he bounced. I still have his watch b/c he left it at my house. He was such an ass. He got back on the dating site, under a new name, a few weeks ago. I almost vomited. Since then I’ve been rethinking OKCupid.
Alan aka Woody: I think I talked about him in one my last posts but things never worked out. I saw him online the other day and we chatted. He started his law firm and is seeing a girl. I was happy for him...ok I wasn’t really happy for him. He was kind of a jerk, oh well.

Mark aka The Shooter: I know I also blogged about Mark. He was an ok guy but he wasn’t looking for a relationship. We hung out and talked when it was convenient for him. We were together for over two months. He finally bounced after I stopped making the effort to contact him first.

Michael aka The Mason: We went out a few times in July or was it August...I can’t remember. Our first date was good but the second date was a bust. He wasn’t really my type and to be honest I don’t think I was his either. We just stopped talking and that was the end of that.

So that ends my summer of love. I learned a lot about myself and what exactly I am willing to put up with. Onto a Fall filled with love and romance...right?